An unexpected gift

I have been so grateful that for the past 11 months I have been able to pump enough milk for Aya.  I have to admit though, it has not been my favorite thing to do.  Holding baby Aya and seeing the joy she gets from nursing is worth every effort, but pumping isn't exactly enjoyable.  Despite my efforts to look at the positive aspects, I have grown tired of the routine.  Plus, it still makes me a little sore.  However, I had decided that I would continue to pump twice a day beyond her first year to make sure she continued to receive the best nutrition I could give her.  I kept telling myself it wasn't her decision that I work. 

And so I was okay with continuing my pumping regime.  Over winter break though, an unexpected gift came my way!  While away from work, I was able to nurse Aya as often as she wanted and sometimes she would go an entire daytime without nursing.  She was sleeping well at night and so often I might only be nursing 3-4 times in an entire 24 hour period.  When I returned to work a week and half later, it was very obvious my supply had naturally dropped because suddenly my standard 8 ounces a day had dropped to 6 or even less.  Rather than worry about not getting enough, I decided to just go with this new amount.  I told our sitter to let me know if it didn't seem to be enough for Aya, but after a few days she said Aya was doing great despite the smaller bottle.  This meant I really wasn't going to have to keep pumping as much after all ,and I can now get enough milk from just one pumping session a day.  This small little gift of time that I no longer have to pump has been a nice surprise and reminds me that in the big picture, the time we mothers pump for our babies is really very short and worth more than we can know.

The Perfect Gift

My friend and I were talking the other evening about nighttime feeding.  Although it is usually not my favorite thing to do, and I'm still quite certain I'd prefer not have to get up at all at night, we both decided there are some special things about feeding our babies in the wee hours of the night. 

First, babies' eyes are beautiful in the dim light.  They are honest, pure and beautifully vulnerable. 

Secondly, we as nursing moms really have the perfect gift to give our little ones when they wake up needing comfort.  It is a special gift, made uniquely for them at that exact time and place.  We are lucky to be bearers of that gift. 

Lastly, for me, as a working mom, it feels important for me to be able to give my baby something that no one else can.  I know there are things that our caregiver does better than me--things that only she can give to Aya...but only I can nurse our little daughter and that makes me feel like her mom more than anything else.

Making the Most of Pumping Sessions

I don't think pumping is any mother's favorite thing to do. It is not as cozy or as comfortable as nursing a little warm child, but it is important and necessary for many moms, including me! There are a few things I have learned about pumping that have helped me get more out of my sessions, and I'd like to pass these ideas along. It is disappointing to go through an entire pumping session only to get a little return for your time. Here are some things that have helped me add volume to my bottles!

Relaxing my shoulders. It is amazing how my body responds to being comfortable.

Massaging my breasts as I pump.

Returning to the stimulation phase on the pump after the initial letdown is over.

Pumping a full 15 minutes. I find I often get more milk in those final 2-3 minutes that I otherwise would have missed.

Lifting my breasts while pumping and leaning forward. Is it gravity?

What has helped most however, is doing nothing...if I do and think about something else while I'm pumping, I get far more milk than if I'm aware of just how how far away I am from my desired goal.

It has also helped me to realize that it is okay if I don't get a lot of milk from one session. I can pump again or more often for a day. The milk will come; I might just have to spend a little more time loving my baby by pumping more often for a day.

Plugged Duct

I never had a plugged duct in my early nursing weeks, but mid way through 7 months I knew exactly what it meant to have one. I believe I got it because my Aya had been eating more solids during the day, but I had continued to pump the same amount of milk for her while away at work. However, it was a three day weekend-the first of the school year-and I was able to exclusively nurse without pumping. By Saturday night I felt really full, and by Sunday afternoon I realized I was still really full on one side even after Aya nursed. It was feeling uncomfortable, hard and stuck. I tried massaging the area and continued to put Aya back on the breast to see if she could nurse it out. It didn't work instantly, but with one last suckle, Aya had unplugged the duct and out poured the milk. It was like turning on a faucet. It made me laugh. Aya wasn't interested at all, so since we were on a road trip and not at home, I gently hand expressed into a sock. After about 5 minutes I wrung out a whole lot of milk! Again, I laughed.

Working and Nursing

I have been thankful these days that I am still nursing while working. I love knowing that although Aya can be fed, cared for, tickled, held and rocked by anyone, only I can nurse her-and sometimes that is the only thing she wants. Going back to work has been an adjustment on many levels. I have had to realize that someone else will know Aya's daily routine better than I will. I have had to realize that someone else might have a better idea of how much food she needs, which kinds she likes better than others, and exactly when she has had enough. Someone else may see her do things first and have a better sense of her daily rhythms. I have had to learn to listen to what my sitter has learned about Aya, rather than tell the sitter what I know about Aya. I have had to learn that it is good and okay that Aya will bond with another caregiver and love her, too. All the while, through my learning and letting go, I still know Aya needs me to nurse her. For that, I am very grateful.