Letting Go of Schedules

I believe that in the beginning a lot of what was so challenging for me was deciding what I felt comfortable with as a mom. There is a lot to read about being a mom. There are a lot of contrasting opinions and a lot of do's and don'ts. There are a lot of different philosophies about parenting. It takes a long time to find what works for you as an individual and family, and it changes as you learn more about yourself as parents, too.

Before Aya came, I didn't do a lot of reading. I thought mothering would come naturally for me and that I would just know what to do. I took the advice, "Do what your instincts tell you to do." That sounded easy enough to me. I felt confident and ready, and so did my husband. But then Aya arrived and we realized we had no idea what we were doing. The instincts I did have about soothing Aya didn't seem to work, and we rather quickly lost a lot of confidence in our own God given gifts to care for our unhappy baby. In response, I started reading everything I could about how to comfort, feed and help Aya sleep. I wanted so badly to find a rhythm to our day again. For quite a while I decided to follow one set of advice that said you could get your baby on a schedule from the beginning. Proponents of having a schedule said it helped you parent because you knew what your baby wanted, you had time for yourself, and your baby would be happy. Perfect. Except Aya wouldn't get on the schedules that were proposed, and I became more nervous and tense about the fact she wasn't napping as long as the book said and wanted to eat more often than it said I should be feeding her. In time, I realized trying to keep Aya on a schedule was causing me more stress than simply doing the best I could to gauge her needs as they came.

I read in The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding that many mothers try to "keep their feet under them" in the beginning. I certainly was. It compares learning to mother to a new swimmer who eventually learns you can't swim while trying to drag your feet under you. Like swimming, I learned mothering might be easier the moment I stop trying to keep my feet under me and let the current take me. For me, there was freedom in letting go and this swimming parallel continues to be very helpful for me. When I try to keep my feet under me (by trying to stick to a schedule or keep everything neat and tidy), I feel my body tightening and my mind tiring. Yet when I let go, and fall in place with Aya's own rhythm (or lack of), I feel my body relax and my mind is calmer. I enjoy being a mom this way and it feels more natural.

Now I don't worry about exactly when Aya last ate. I feed her when she acts interested and eager. She might be hungry, or thirsty, or just want to be close. She might be scared, startled, or in a bit of pain. Breastfeeding seems to mend many things. La Leche League says adults are offered food often and we can decide when and how much we need at any given time. They suggest offering the breast as often as we would like too, because our babies will decide whether they need anything at the time or not. It just might be those little "snacks" we offer here and there that help our baby to grow best, both physically and emotionally. We might grow best as a mom this way too.