Nursing in Public

As I sat in public places trying to nurse little bean I dreaded the outcome of each feeding. Would she cry out? Would she be content? Would she be more unhappy than she was before I fed her? I had an image of breastfeeding in my mind that didn't match my reality. The image was of a perfectly calm, content, peaceful mother who held her equally calm, content and peaceful baby. But there was a problem. My Aya squirmed and fidgeted her way through feedings. She sometimes even stopped and let out a cry. She certainly didn't fall asleep at the end. My face wasn't peaceful either. I was tense and anxious. I wish I had pictures of the early days I fed Aya. Maybe moms would be encouraged to see that not all breastfeeding relationships start out looking like the peaceful images we see on the front of breastfeeding books or pamphlets.

I believe that I dreaded nursing in public mostly because my breastfeeding reality didn't fit the pictures. I thought that if Aya didn't feed well in front of others they would judge me and think to themselves, "Well she certainly doesn't have this figured out." I felt embarrassed, even a little ashamed, silly and like a very young, inexperienced mom. I felt very vulnerable.